My B Movie

Bees do bite when you try to excavate them from their natural site. I know they weren’t on my property when I moved in, but they were here first. Long before us here on earth, that is.


They decided to move into the rafters of my back porch ceiling a few years ago. And just who am I to argue with a bee and its stinger? And me being an true animal lover by nature, I didn’t want to harm a stinger on their chinny chin chin. So I felt I’d leave well enough alone in order to live and let live. Besides they weren’t bothering me, were they?

One day my attitude changed when I became the proud owner of a large sophisticated GrillPro Grill

for great grilling and BBQ in this fun summer sun. So it was time to consider evicting my tiny little busy buzzy friends. You see they liked to eat as much as I and they became a nuisance nosing around my chicken, ribs and steak.

But how? Not a cakewalk by any means, or even a honey walk. But I decided to get help in this by no means small easy task of relocating the hive from under thick building material, cutting through it with saws, and finally moving them safely to their new habitat without harming them in the least little bit.

After doing some research about the nature and state of honeybees
in the world, I came to realize that most people just want them removed. They have neither the desire, knowledge, experience or patience to deal with or care for the bees in the proper manner. So they opt for the easy way out of hiring an exterminator and just 'taking them out' so-to-speak, and not for a ride in the park. They are sprayed with serious chemicals to annihilate them; having them one-minute bee a pest of sorts and the next bee gone.

But at the same time, the honeybee is becoming extinct for reasons unknown to even our best scientists. Since they are in somewhat of a fragile state and are considered an essential part of our very human existence concerning food, I wanted to do my part and help save the bees. So I did what any red blooded American would do, I placed on ad on Craigslist and got a few calls from bee enthusiasts and even a conservationist or two. They informed me that there would be cutting involved because it sounded to them like the bees had really commandeered a spot beneath the wall and they weren’t moving any time soon. I had no idea just how involved it would become.

They also informed me that there would be no charge to remove the bees but that I would have to shoulder the responsibility of repairing any damage they caused in removing the bees. I said I could live with that partly because the bees were in an area of the house of minor importance under a back parch and who was I not to embrace a little inconvenience for the survival of mankind?

So the bee ‘relocator’ as they are referred to, showed up with trucks and gear and bee outfits. We discussed their duties and it seems they extract the bees for the purpose of relocating the whole nest to other areas with their workers and queen intact in order to preserve their species and keep them pollinating. They use methods that are proven and tested and these two guys happened to be originally from Albania. They really appreciate their bees there I understand.

So since this was to be a live extraction, which I was more than happy about because it’s a sin to kill and besides bees perform such a useful function in the food chain. Honeybees being on the decline didn’t surprise me with all the pollution and other abuse we have cast upon the earth.



At the beginning they transported the necessary gear and clothing closer to the bee site in the yard, from a truck out on the street in front of the house. This action would insure a safe and successful operation. They also used a ‘smoker’ to be used in guiding the bees where they wanted to them to go, making them more docile, tricking them into eating the honey thinking they are experiencing a fire and need to flee. After their initial suiting up, being completely caped head to toe in their white bee outfits with a screen over their heads, they climbed their ladders as if to mount the space station for a flight around the moon.

They set out in their task of cutting into the ceiling with electric saws and exposing at least a quantity of at least 13 different honey combs all aligned perfectly in a row between two 2x4 beams. It was quite amazing to me and they went about their business of carefully cutting the combs even while the bees were still clung to them. They cut one at a time, one doing the cutting, the other taking it down and lying it on a large metal pan.

The older man seemed to be more experienced than the other so they were doing the job that best suited them. Their division of labor was very consistent and I assumed that was to avoid making mistakes or having accidents. They continued to cut until the job was almost half done. They took a break and I can see that the kind of intense labor warranted a break time. They actually stepped around the side of the house, out of the path of the bees and took off the bee suit for the time being. All the while they had systematically placed the bees onto trays that fit neatly into wooden boxes. These would be covered and transported to the truck.

Besides having the ‘right stuff’ to be able to remove the bees, they came with cans designed to create real smoke to ‘smoke them out’ as they say. This procedure is very effective as the bees don’t smoke at any age and it is highly bothersome to them without actually killing them.

So as they continued their mission by donning their coveralls with a zip-on veil and elasticized cuffs, heading back to the second and final phase of bee relocation, I began to prepare as well. This wasn’t just your run of the mill beehive; it was a serious developed colony over several years, with many thriving honeycombs in just over a 2 feet area in the ceiling of my back porch.

Myself being a producer, I thought I would need to capture this personal experience on video for the entire world to share. I had no clue about what kind of resistance I would encounter.

I chose to wear a hooded jacket, long pants and shoes, but was that going to be enough? And did I choose the wrong color being red? I didn’t realize the bees could come out fighting mad at my choice of colors like a raging bull horning towards a nervous matador. We would find this out over the course of the extraction. I went and got my Panasonic AG-DVX100A 3-CCD 24p Mini-DV Camcorder, and began to videotape them performing their bee removal.

I had a few issues with lighting, as it was a bright sunny day. But under the back porch was shadowed except for what light reflected from the sky. So I adjusted the camera iris to let more light in when I was shooting a close-up of the hive itself. But let it open up when I was doing a two shot of them both working together because I had zoomed out for that. I also took photos so I was switching cameras from video to my Canon EOS Rebel T1i 15.1 MP CMOS Digital SLR Camera with 3-Inch LCD and EF-S 18-55mm f/3.5-5.6 IS Lens. But still had the same issues with light so I engaged the flash because I was taking mostly close-ups, as you will see here.

I had shot for a while without much resistance but I didn’t realize matters would soon get out of hand. You see the bees were signaled by the fact that were all stepping on the dead ones that was releasing some kind of scent that triggered the bees that their brethren were under siege. And that is where I ran into some serious trouble. Every minute or so, as I was as close to the beemen as possible, the bees would land on my head which was covered. But it was still unnerving just the same.

Just hearing that buzzing so close to one’s head can send you running. But I was told that any kind of motion would just make them madder and they would be more motivated to attack and sting. But that’s great when you are dressed in full cover and they can’t possibly do you any harm. They were swarming seriously now as their habitat was being attacked in their way of thinking. So they wouldn’t stop landing on me and my solution was to retreat inside the back door and swat the bees off that had been persistent and wanted to burrow through my clothes.

So this action continued for about ten times until I realized there was no way the bees were going to let up on me. But I was still shooting my B Movie and wanted to get it all as they were beginning to wind down now. There wasn’t much time left but I had to shoot the end.

Well needless to say I got stung but good. They hit me a few times in my face, once on my neck and once on the ear, which can be very painful, because it is on a flat surface. Don’t try this at home or the office; let the professionals handle it. I considered my own TV show ‘The Bee Documentary’ but quickly shredded that script into the trash once I felt how painful and irritating several bee stings can be. Again I hope they pay these wild life experts well who go out in the bush; up and down waterways wrestling fish and catching alligators. I’ll relegate to them and just watch on television now with a whole new sense of respect, believe me.

So that was my first and hopefully last experience in the bee world. My stings took a week to go down, as they were very swollen depending on where they got me. Seven stings in all and I’ve got the scars to prove it. Oh and the video of course with stills which you can enjoy from the privacy and safety of your own computer. See Ya.